Each one of the seven tattoos Kayla Grey possesses carries a special meaning. Especially the one inscribed on her right forearm.
In black script, it reads, “WAITING TO EXHALE.”
That is a reference to the book written by American novelist Terry McMillan. Grey says it is her favourite book considering she first read it during a transformative time in her life. Her tattoo represents the premise of waiting for the perfect time to breathe freely as a Black woman in everyday society.
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Grey is finally breathing in the most public of spaces. Her job as a TSN SportsCentre anchor, along with her reporting duties, means the public-at-large really only saw her in one role. But now? They are seeing her as someone who feels open when it comes to talking about race and racism. Not just in everyday society, but how it exists in places like Canada and within her profession, journalism, at a time when these conversations are becoming more paramount.
Black people and minorities, in general, must often toe a line in certain professional settings. Especially in landscapes where they are one of only a few who look like them. There is a balance that must be struck where the status quo remains intact by consistently expressing gratitude about having employment as if to suggest they should be grateful anyone would take a chance on them. A series of mistakes – or even just one – might not only ruin it for them but for those who come after.
“I feel like this is the most free I have ever felt with myself in this industry in speaking my truth,” Grey said. “I feel like a lot of people of colour, while their light shines bright, it still dims because we have dimmed it with protective mechanisms. What we should say and we should not say. For me, this process is uniting my life and speaking my truth and unapologetically speaking that truth as well. It has been a process.”
Footage of George Floyd’s death sparked an international conversation about race. There is the misconception that racism is more of an American problem than a Canadian one. Grey does not see it that way. She sees her home as a place where there is still a lot of learning that needs to be done while further acknowledging this needs to be a time to learn and listen instead of pointing fingers about which nation has a better grasp on racism.
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Grey is not just another person on television or another human with a Twitter account. She is the first Black woman in Canada to host a show like SportsCentre. Look at the talent listings of Sportsnet and TSN. Both networks possess diversity. They also have women. Yet TSN is the only one to have a Black woman existing in an on-air capacity.
She feels a responsibility to do more than deliver highlights or talk about the Toronto Raptors when called upon. Grey is working toward getting more diversity and people of colour – especially women – to realize they can work in media. Is she worried speaking out could cost her at some point?
Yes, there is that concern. But she knows these conversations must be had in order for progress to happen. Grey was outspoken when the Calgary Flames were investigating an incident involving then-head coach Bill Peters and his treatment of Akim Aliu. She pointed out that NHL commissioner Gary Bettman remained silent during the ordeal and that led to a backlash on social media.
But there are far more examples of what Grey has done on social to draw awareness. She has tweeted about how racism has robbed Black people in media of their dreams. She has called out what she believes was “biased reporting” on Dafonte Miller, a Black man who lost his eye in an altercation with police. Grey also called out the Minnesota Twins for hosting a diversity roundtable with women in baseball where all the panellists were White women.
“You look at Jemele Hill and ESPN — you cannot speak facts without a way of being reprimanded,” she said. “That is what it is with being Black in media. There is even a fear in telling your own story in that you might be in trouble. Telling stories that tell on other people might get you in trouble. … I have gone through that and people minimizing my emotions. Calling me the ‘angry Black woman’ or ‘the emotional Black woman.’
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“There is a real fear if you speak your truth. Your bosses might not like it. That is because frankly, people are not ready. Even conversations and discussions about cancel culture, it shows people are not ready to eat their food.”
Grey grew up in Scarborough. She was the daughter of a working mother, which meant she spent a lot of time with her grandparents. Her grandmother watched Toronto Blue Jays games on television but would mute the broadcast. That allowed her grandfather to play the radio broadcast. She found the fusion interesting — and that is where she got the idea to get into media.
Her original plan was to be an editor. A lot of that had to do with the fact she did not see anyone who looked like her on television. She attended the College of Sports Media in Toronto where former TSN anchor Jim Van Horne was one of her instructors. Van Horne said Grey made an immediate impression.
“I looked at her and thought, ‘Holy sh*t. This is a personality,’” Van Horne said while laughing. “This was before she opened her mouth. She had this big smile on her face, big hair and this black outfit with hot pink accents. That has never, ever left me.”
But this was also the moment Van Horne remembered there “was something special” about his newest pupil. He noticed Grey had an awareness about her. That she always pushed for more. That if he pushed her or jumped on her to do better she responded with a “f*ck you. I am going to do this and there is nothing you can do to stop me” type of approach.
“I really admired her for that,” Van Horne said. “It was a situation where for some reason, we struck up a bond. She would come into my office and we would talk about life and talk about the business. I never gave her any false illusions about what to expect. I did tell her that she had something and that if she opted to work hard, she would be successful.”
Grey was the kid who was finding ways to watch illegal streams of ESPN. She grew up seeing Robin Roberts and the late Stuart Scott. Knowing Roberts and Scott were on TV meant a lot because she wasn’t seeing that representation in Canada. The nation has produced successful Black journalists like David Amber, Mark Jones, Cabral Richards and the late John Saunders.
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But a few of them already left home to go work in the United States.
“I look at when I was growing up looking at Canadian sports media,” Grey recalled. “I did not think I could survive up here and be accepted up here.”
Grey’s first job was in Winnipeg, where she was a digital broadcast journalist for Global News.
“My program director told me that someone who looks like me should be lucky I have a job,” she recalled. “I left. I then moved to Prince Rupert, B.C., and then came back to Toronto to work at TSN as a radio producer and then worked my way up the ranks again.”
Her SportsCentre debut came in 2018 and she has remained a fixture since. Grey has a certain approach. If she is an anchor, there is a sense of personality that makes it fun to watch highlights. Almost as if you’re learning about what happened while listening to a friend. If she is reporting, it is a different tone. There is a more serious, straightforward approach. She tells the news while adding detail to what is being reported.
TSN’s Jermain Franklin said Grey has the ability to be herself on the air, which is difficult for most. Franklin said there is a genuine feeling Grey gives off and her ability to do that might go under-the-radar.
“Kayla’s love for sports is so clear,” Franklin said. “Her knowledge of sports is clear and the fact that she is herself and has a great personality on air is what makes her the total package. I think that is what makes her so special. She is so genuine and she is giving her personality to the audience, which is special.”
Grey is honest and self-deprecating. Ask who she is and her first response is “the same ratchet girl from Scarborough.” She is open about the fact that she was in an abusive relationship and about not having her father in her life. There is the admission that she is still going through healing. That at 27 she is finding her way and dealing with those past traumatic experiences. Grey is up front about how therapy is helping her.
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But there are also the things she does that give her joy. Her son, Levi, is at the top of that list. She loves being a mom. She watches sports, as one would expect, while also being fond of “Real Housewives of Atlanta” and “Succession.” It is nothing to be in a car with her where she will bop to Kendrick Lamar or Sir. Lauryn Hill and Nas are also favourites. And because she is from Toronto, a certain Aubrey Graham also appears in her playlists.
There are also the seven tattoos on her body. Her plan is to get more once quarantine lifts and society returns to normal. Grey has the letter “V” in honour of her grandmother Veronica. She also has her mother’s middle name, “Ava Maria,” on one of her ribs.
“My first one I got in the back of a convenience store,” she said. “I was 15 when I first got it … I was looking to be rebellious and I walk into the back and there are some stores in Toronto that sell anything. I asked a guy if he knew where I could get a tattoo and he points to the back of the store. I dropped eight bucks and I got my last name, Grey, tattooed.”
Kathleen Newman-Bremang, a senior writer for Refinery29, first met Grey at a photoshoot about Black women in Canadian media. They have been close friends ever since, thanks in part to their shared experiences.
That is what strikes Newman-Bremang the most about Grey: She is always going to be real. Whether it is in a private setting or in a public one.
“To see her use her platform makes me emotional because I grew up in Canada as a Black girl who loves sports,” Newman-Bremang said. “I clung to Pam Oliver. There was no one in Canada who looks like me who was anchoring or reporting sports. We know nobody was anchoring because Kayla was the first. Her presence is enough but to see her use her platform and to make people uncomfortable even though they should not be, because what she is saying is fact. I am proud of the woman and the role model that she has become. She’s just at the beginning. I am a little older than her and I feel like a proud big sis’.”
Sift through Grey’s feed or do a YouTube search. There are countless videos where she talks about race and racism. Perhaps her most notable work may have been a nearly six-minute long video where she posed the question: “Where can we be Black?”
Her video essay centers around how society has failed to address systemic racism.
“Where can we be Black?” she asks. “If our skin is seen as a weapon, a threat, then, we will never be unarmed. So, I ask again, ‘Where can we be black?’”
Where can we be Black?
pic.twitter.com/DNWmeSoaee— Kayla Grey (@Kayla_Grey) June 19, 2020
Franklin, who is also Black, said what Grey is doing is “incredibly bold and incredibly brave.”
“She is bringing attention to what is wrong with sports and what is wrong in the sports industry north of the border,” Franklin said. “The fact there are not a lot of minorities in positions of authority, it is brave and not easy and it is a tough conversation to have. It is something that Kayla has taken on and I have nothing but respect for the way she is doing it. It is not to get attention but to bring attention to what is going on in the sports world today.”
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Grey said there have been strides in regards to who the public sees on TV. Although she believes there are still not enough people of colour in positions of power capable of making even more change throughout the nation’s sports media landscape.
“As much as representation does matter on the screen, and it does, we need to tap into what representation looks like on the editorial side,” she said. “Who is hiring? Who is directing these stories? Has much changed now that I am on television? Not really. You are seeing more of me on the outside. But we can always do better.”
Carrying this level of honesty has also seen Grey face her critics. In June, TSN issued a statement supporting Grey after a Twitter spat with Tim McClure, a motivational speaker. Sheri Forde, a White sports journalist, had written a column about confronting her family when it came to racism in which she used the N-word. Her husband, Duane Forde, is a Black TSN analyst and former CFL player.
An Open Message To @randylennox7117 @TSN_Sports @BellMediaPR @TSN_PR: Earlier this week, @SheriForde shared a very open, raw, real account of what she and her family have experienced involving racism in Canada. https://t.co/ovlRIcsMSV
— Tim McClure (@TimMcClure23) June 12, 2020
Grey tweeted: “no matter the context, white people I need you to know that using the n-word is still not OK.” It was the first of three tweets. Her second tweet detailed how using the word can be “violent” and “triggering,” with her final tweet stating that she would not be sharing Sheri Forde’s column. It led to McClure tagging Bell Media Public Relations, TSN Public Relations and TSN in a tweet expressing how Grey should have been more supportive.
His nine-tweet salvo ended with McClure saying this was not a call to get Grey fired but that she needed to apologize for her tweets.
So Tim, in my public apology that you are calling for, how would you like it to to go?
“I’m sorry to that as a black woman I pointed out that you writing the n-word twice in your piece may be triggering or offensive.”
That work? https://t.co/VZcByKvNNV
— Kayla Grey (@Kayla_Grey) June 12, 2020
“I saw myself as a Black woman speaking out about something I had the right to do and a White man trying to police my emotions,” Grey said. “Not ‘get me fired’ but get me in trouble for speaking out on something I firmly believe. That was a display of the culture that takes place for Black people in their workplaces. They speak out on something and they get in trouble for doing so. That form of gaslighting and silencing is dangerous. It is why when I say representation, that we protect those Black voices. It is not enough to hire Black people. Black people are not a charity.
“When you have Black people in your company and in your buildings, act like you are working to create a safe environment for people in your building. When they are in a predominantly White space, they are feeling unsafe.”
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The ordeal led to #KaylaGreyAppreciationDay trending on Twitter.
“Seeing that was a reminder of who I do this for: My community,” she said. “That was my community. They were like, ‘Take your weekend and we will handle it.’ It solidified the power of the Black voice and the Black dollar. We know how to come together and fight against stereotypes. That was uplifting and powerful. For me, it was about something bigger. It was about the way that we come together and the way we come together is to serve and navigate these waters and that was the whole thing for me.”
Grey is vocal. But not for her benefit. She does it so more children of colour can see anything is possible. Especially for those who want to go into sports media. She also does this for Levi. Her child is only two but she is already preparing herself for those future conversations about what it means to be Black in Canada. It is about telling him that he needs to be twice as good knowing he will only receive a fraction of the credit.
All of this has been “a period of awakening” for Grey. She has used this time to learn, to grow, to get better and to do what she can to make improvements for those future generations who come after her. She is a Black woman who knows what she says will not be liked by all. That she will face challenges. But she also knows this is how real change could potentially happen someday in the future.
This is what it means for Kayla Grey to finally be breathing and no longer waiting to exhale.
“Far too long, people of colour have been grateful just to be here. No more. Enough of that,” Grey said. “If excellence is at the core of what they want to do, diversity should not come that hard. I also cannot act like the last month has not been hard. It’s been hard to have real conversations and it is scary to speak up for myself and you don’t know the repercussions and you do not know when this is no longer a conversation.
“But at this point? I don’t care. It’s just so much bigger than me.”
(Photos: Courtesy TSN)
